Updated: Apr 24, 2021
To Love, Honor, and Obey
By: Trisha Sharp
03 October 2020
I’m sure you’ve heard of marriage vows including “Love, Honor, and Obey”, but do you know what that really means? When Vashti defied her husband the King, he was angry at her refusal to come to him when he had commanded. The princes convinced him that her behavior would convince wives to despise their husbands, causing contempt and wrath. They demanded that he decree that wives are to give their husbands honor…no matter what. He also decreed that every man should bear rule in his own house. Genesis Chapter 2 says that a man should leave his mother and father and hold fast to his wife, as they are to become one flesh. Ephesians tells us that the husband is to love his wife, just as Christ loved the Church, as He gave His life for her. But my lesson today is about the husband and wife “Honoring” each other.
1 Corinthians 7:1-6 says…”Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto his wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.”
Ephesians 4:2-3 says: “With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love: Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
The Bible calls marriage a “Divine Institution” and should be treated as such. The definition of benevolence is: the quality of well meaning; kindness. What this means in reference to the above verses is that husbands, and wives should show each other kindness. However, those verses say much more than just to be kind. They are not to withhold affection, emotional support or make unrealistic demands. Which means emotional and physical needs are to be met without demanding things that are more than should naturally be expected from someone you love. Sexual intimacies should not only be expected but freely given. It promotes a healthier marriage and healthier emotions shared by you and your spouse. You need to talk with each other, openly and honestly. You need to determine what you each need separately as well as what you need together as a couple. Not just when it comes to sex, but emotionally as well. Learn to communicate with each other and learn to compromise. Compromise and open communication are keys to a long, happy and healthy marriage. This should be done without arguing or judgement, but calmly and with love, understanding and compassion for each other. This is what it means to “consent by permission and not commandment”. You married “In sickness and in health, in good times and bad, in rich times as well as poor’. Now that may not be in the exact order, but the sentiment is still there. There will be good times…and bad. But if you can keep the lines of communication open, you should be able to converse with each other in a manner that benefits you both. Make time for each other and make it special for you both. Make compromises in doing things that each of you like, even if you personally don’t, because it’s more important that you spend time together outside of the bedroom to be able to make the connections with each other that will make your relationship even stronger. This will allow your intimacies to mean even more. Tell each other how you feel. Tell each other what you need to continue in your love in a happy and healthy manner. But remember to always be kind to one another. Give your love to one another just like you did when you pledged your life to your spouse. But be better. Be more loving. Be more understanding. Be more compassionate. Just Be More.
God loves you, and I do too! Be happy, healthy, loved, and Blessed.